Kipp's Grand Adventure!
by Team Fast
Summary: Kip wakes up in a strange new world! R&R!1!
1. Chapter 1

Kipp's Grand Journey

Chapter One: Kipp's Big Day

Today was a very big day for Kipp, for today was his eighteenth birthday today. Being eighteen means he is training is complete and he is offishully a hiro of Albion.

"Happy birthday today Kip! Today is your 18th birthday which means that your training is complete. Ofishully. You are a hiro of Albion," said the Guildmaster to Kipp.

"Thank you, Sifu. What did you get me today, on my birthday?" inchoired Kipp.

"Why a guild seal and some nice slacks, boy," said the Guildmaster quite racistly.

"Awww...I wanted blue jeans!" laughed Kip.

"Get the fuck out of here! GET OUT!" cryed the Guildmaster throwing a pint of mead at the heavy wooden door.

And so Kipp set off to begin his Grand Journey with a single step, for that is how all journeys must begin in the beginning of starting to go on a journey. But first, he had to put on his new slacks. But then the guildmaster was all "Those are nice pants! Don't wear them in the woods!" So he didnt.

XXXX

In his nice new slacks Kipp had received his first job. He was a'sposed(sp?) to keep people out of the town abandunned windmill. He decided the best way to do this was to dress up as The WerePirate Ghost but this led to a lot of shenanigans by some meddling kids so he thought it would just be a hole lot easier to stab on of the kids in the face. With his sword. To make an example.

XXXX

Later as he was mounting the boys head, ascot in cluded, he received a new mission. He was asposed to escort (teehee) a merhcant ship with several other hiroes.

(I'll take a moment now to describe the other hiroes)

first there was Richard, a largeman who was something of a berserker.

Then was the which hunter GRiselta. She has a bow and arrow.

Hubert is not expendable.

Renaldo, who is an excellent axe fighter, even more excellent though at bow figthing, with Arrows not the sticks.

Kip has the same name as the main character, he kind of keeps to himself. From here on out, this will be Kip III or Kip #3. You decide.

Then was this hot girl, she could totes do magic and shit. And like if she saw you in the street she'd beat your ass with her hands. Literally. she's hot like that. but really she can fight good

And finally was Little Dick. Like Richard. but littler. That's pretty much it.

(pretty cool)

The boat sets out without any incidence. Except for the spy that got on bored. But that's not really any incendence at all, anyway.

XXXX

So Kipp was basically talking to Karen.

"So basically I thought to myself, that it would just be easier if I stabbed the kid in the face, like as an example, you know, I mean I couldn't just let him get away. He knew my secret identity! You want to know another secret?" Kipp asked as he put his leg up on the deck with his hand in his trousers. He leaned in, mainly with his crotch, and whispered to Tanya "The real secret, is that the real legend, is down here," Kipp looked down seductively and whipped out his Gladius.

"That's a bitchin sword!" squeaked Karen.

"I know! I bought it!" said Kipp angrily as he stormed away. Speaking of storms there was a terrible one. The sort of storm that wrecked ships. Which it totally did. Literally.

XXXX

Kipp wakes up on the ship which is ducked. All alone except of course for all the dead merchants.

He gets up. Looks out to the horizon. Sees the back of some statue of a super disfigured person.

He turns around and looks at the other horizon and sees a bustling port filled with the moset disturbing site he'd ever seeeen...

COWMEN!

PURPLE PEOPLE WITH ENORMUS EARS AND GLOWING EYES!

STANDARD COLORED PEOPLE WITH GIANT EARS AND GLOWING EYES!

TINY MEN.

AND WOMEN!

MEN WITH TUSKS ALL COLORS OF THE RAINBOW! (THE MEN NO THE TUSKS!)!

And a sign that said "Welcome to Booty Bay"

Things were about to get really weird. 


	2. Chapter 2

Kipp's Grand Journey

Chapter Two: A Whole New World

Kip didnt' know wat to say. He needed answers. And he needed them now. Unfortunately though, now was then. As he had already jumped off of the boat and gone on a killing spreee.

He was already on his like, idk...20 somethingeth kill when the people, if you can call them that because there really more like freaks, began fighting back.

They fought back good, especially because Kip was dead.

And then it was busyness as usual.

XXXX

Suddenly meanwhile, Kipp was mining away for salt in salt mines.

Sometimes a kobold would attack but everytime a kobold would get pick axed in the face. This was Kipp's favorite part of the job, the killing.

Because in the guild training he never really got to kill anything, not even spiders. He finds that he's quite good at it. Even without his sword, the obsidian gladius. But Kipp soon began to tire of the mine. Not because of the moustache he had recently grown, which had to weigh at least 10 lbs. It was a really sweet moustache. He hated not being able to communicate with his fellow slaves. Nothing pisses Kipp off more than foreign languages.

He knew that he had to get out. And he had to do it alone. Because he couldnt' talk to anyone else. Because they spoke different languages. That he did not speak. Fluently. Or actually. In any way.

He devised a plan. An escape plan. And tells it to his fellow members of his chain gang.

"And then you, Ugly one, cut his head off with a shovel" explained Kipp to the Ugly One whilst drawling in the dirt. No one seemed to understand what he was saying. Except for the slave in the back who was human. With a beard. A really really really do you undersand how much really nice beard?

The man with the sweeeet beard stepped forward. He introduces himself as "Goose", "Goose One Leg".

Goose clearly had two legs, but Kipp figured that Goose One Leg would probably know better than anyone else how many legs he had, so he let the mysterious nickname slide. For Now...

"I will help you, Outlander" Goose says as he slams Kipp into the wall, "but don't for a second that this makes us friends...Landstander!!"

Goose then converses with the other prisoners as he speaks their language and communicates Kipp's master plan to them using the diagram Kipp had previously drawn in the dirt floor of the slave quarters. Kipp sat and ate his meal of water and gruel, viciously underseasoned gruel. Which he couldn't help but find ironic, since they were in an salt mine.

XXXX

Gruuber whose ugly, but not the ugly one Kipp was talking about, though still extremely ugly, being a troll with acne prone skin, suddenly got sick. The guards, being inept as Kipp had planned them to be, examined Gruuber. The real ugly one came up behind them and cut one of their heads off with a shovel. Gruuber took advantage and punched the other guard's testicles off.

The balls exploded against the wall, revealing a set of shiny keys. Goose One Leg grabbed the keys and unlocked all of the chains. Now to find the keys to the door and a map to the surface!!

Kipp didn't have time for thinks like that so he just threw the Ugly One's face into the door until it fell down. Then they learned that the mine wasn't very complex, it was just the one tunnle. Freedom was had for all, except the Ugly One who's face was smashed in on a door.

XXXX

Goose One Leg took Kipp to a bar to relax. It was also a good place to find a job and ne info about the rest of the passengars from Kipp's boat. It was there that he learned that Kip #3 or Kip III or Kip had gone on a killing spree and binn kilt.

Goose was off with some other people while Kipp waited at the bar. This bro tapped him on the sholder quite unbrolike.

"I don't like you," said the guy that totally wasn't Kipp's bro as he gestured to the furbulg behind him, "My friend doesn't like you either."

"I'm sorry" said Kipper, not wanting tostart a fight.

"You should be careful, were wanted men." Said the nightelf, "I have the death sentence in three systems."

"I quite literally do not know what that means," said Kipp.

"You'll be dead!" threatened the elf.

"What?" yelled Kipp in mild alarm. The furbulg, not waisting any time, starts throttling Kipp. Kipp not waisting any time cut his arm off. (Oh did i mention he got his sword back? because he totally did. HARD) The nightelf saw his actual bro's arm get cut off totally throws a chair, knocking Kipp to the ground. A gnarly bar fight ensues. Like, super gnarly. Like Goose totally breaks this guy's neck with one leg, though he could have used two but then what would he stand on? Unless he's got some more legs tucked away...somewhere. In the chaos they slip away, they being Goose One Leg and Kipp as far as they knew. What they didn't know is that they were being followed.

Followed from behind, by a shadowy figure... in the shadows behind them. 


End file.
